Apple Sauce
by TeaDanceMacabre
Summary: What would happen if Matsuda had picked up the Death Note. Rated M for yaoi and disturbingness. Ryuksuda. Dedicated to a friend, so don't kill me.


**This is what happens when I have writer's block and speak to my 'awesome assisstant' on msn. If I scar you for life then I'm sorry.**

* * *

Usually, Matsuda would be working. It was a wonder to everyone that he had made it into the NPA at all, but he had managed it – copying someone else's test had absolutely nothing to do with it. Usually he would be working but lately, people had been discussing some pretty serious stuff and rather than hang around pretending to understand it he had decided to go for a walk.

And on this walk, he thought it would be a good idea to stray far, far away from the NPA headquarters and take a trip past the local high school. On his way he was whistling a happy tune – a song that had deep significant meaning to him. Countless times he had been home alone, curled up in a ball and crying to himself but each time, when he put this song on and danced in front of the mirror as though he didn't have a care in the world, he felt much happier. In fact, to pay tribute to the amount of times this song had helped him out in his darkest moments, he decided to stop whistling and sing the words instead.

"Barney is a dinosaur from out imag-in-ation. And when he's tall he's what we call a dinosaur sensation!" Matsuda sang, a spring in his step. From one of the classroom windows a groomed, intelligent-look, bored student was staring from the window. In a brave and generous attempt to try and cheer the pupil up, Matsuda sung louder, hopping around the pavement and banging his head to the beat.

"Barney shows us lots of things like how to play pret-end. ABCs and 123s and how to be a friend! Barney comes to play with us whenever we may need him." He sang, holding his arms out to the still bored-looking student. "Barney can be your friend to if you just make believe him!"

Matsuda positioned himself to start singing the more sombre 'I love you, you love me' part of the song when he recognised the student to be the son of the chief in his department and freaked out, hiding his face with his hand.

"It's okay, he might not have seen me." Matsuda told himself, taking deep breaths. He risked glancing back at the window between his fingers and the pupil looked mildly confused. "Just act natural, Matsuda. You can pull this off."

He then proceeded to put his hands in his pockets and stroll away casually. He looked back at the boy to find him staring in a different direction, his eyes following an object falling to the ground. It looked like a notebook. Unable to resist the opportunity to pretend he was on a secret mission, Matsuda pulled his coat up as far around his face as it would go and crouched down behind the metal fence, waiting for the Yagami boy to turn away. Thankfully, it looked like the teacher had regained his attention so Matsuda crawled slowly across the floor – on sneak mode – towards the object lying on the ground.

Several younger students in the school grounds were looking at him with disgust, but Matsuda liked to pretend he was invisible. He finally approached the object, which was indeed a notebook, and opened the front cover.

_The human whose name is written in this note shall die._

Matsuda couldn't believe his luck, although he was promptly filled with fear. The first reaction was due to the fact that something interesting had happened to him that meant he really was on a secret mission. The second reaction was mainly because – besides feeding and washing himself – he had never had a large responsibility before. He tried to recall a piece of advice given by Barney that would help him make sense of the situation but failed and instead settled for running home.

As soon as he was home he bolted all his doors and windows, feeling fear looming over him. He sat down on his pink beanbag and put his head in his hands. What should he do now? He felt awful and wished he hadn't gone out of the house at all. Carefully and timidly, he picked the Death Note back up and read the rest of the rules – feeling his spirit crumbling with each one he read. In the end he was curled up, cuddling his favourite teddy and trying not to cry.

It was too much for him to deal with. Why, of all people, did he have to find such an evil book? There wasn't one nice thing that book could achieve. No source of happiness could come from it…

That's when he saw him – standing in his room. His eyes glowed red and his huge smile was permanently scarred onto his face. Black wings filled the room as the hunched being cackled.

"So you found my notebook. My name is Ryuk. What's the matter? Don't want it?"

"R-Ryuk?" Matsuda repeated, staring up at the godlike creature. No one had ever been in the room before, beside for himself. Having a guest was a novelty Matsuda rarely enjoyed.

"What's the matter? I didn't scare you did I?" The Shinigami laughed, evilly.

"N-no, not at all. You're going to stay aren't you?" Matsuda asked excitedly. "I can get us some snacks if you like! Are we having a sleepover?"

"Well, you possess my Death Note, which means I have to stay with you until you die or you forfeit ownership." Ryuk explained, looking around the room.

Matsuda's eyes grew wide. "Really? You mean you're going to be my best friend until I die?" Matsuda asked in awe.

"I don't know about friends, but I will be following you until you die." Ryuk answered, looking at Matsuda for the first time. Matsuda stared back at the crazy-haired beauty before snapping out of his daze and rushing to get any snack-like item he could find in his kitchen. Thankfully, his mum had been in to stock it for him that afternoon so it was full of healthy food.

"Wait, do you even eat?" Matsuda asked, looking at the fruit bowl he'd carried through.

"Oh yeah." Ryuk replied, staring intently at the apples. "All the time."

Matsuda beamed and stuck his thumb up. "Great! Because I do too! That's one thing we have in common."

The first thing Ryuk reached for was an apple. After biting into it with a satisfying crunch, Ryuk moaned in pleasure. Matsuda's eyes grew wide with alarm – he'd only ever heard that noise on DVDs he had to hide from his parents.

"D-do you like that Ryuk?"

"Apples are so juicy. They're worth the trip down to the Human world."

"You know…" Matsuda began, shifting uncomfortably and adjusting his trousers. "You can get juicier forms of apples. It's called apple sauce!"

"Juicier apples, eh? I can't imagine that."

"Sure! In fact I… I have some in my kitchen right now!" Matsuda stuttered, turning bright red.

"Oh?" Ryuk said excitedly, his tongue hanging out slightly. Matsuda stared at its length as though hypnotised before snapping back to reality.

"Except… it's really stupid. You see, there's this rule about apple sauce. You can't eat it unless you lick it off another person." Matsuda explained, awkwardly rubbing his neck. He was unbelievably lucky, having company in his own room.

Ryuk's eyes stared in different directions.

"You're such a babe." Matsuda whispered, his jaw hanging open.

"Huh?" Ryuk asked, his neck slightly contorted.

"Oh, nothing. I'll go get the sauce! Meet me in my room, okay?"

Ryuk grumbled but said nothing, floating around the house until he found what appeared to be a bedroom. He tapped his foot impatiently, looking around as some loud bangs and yells of annoyance came from the kitchen. Almost five minutes later, Matsuda opened the door naked – covered from head to foot in apple sauce.

"Okay, everything's ready!" Matsuda smiled, bright red. A cartoonish sweat drop appeared next to his head and Ryuk stared at it, confused, until it vanished.

"That's the apple sauce?" Ryuk asked, staring at Matsuda hungrily. Matsuda mistook the gaze for lust.

"That's right Ryuk. Now all you have to do is lick it off me." He replied, moving over to the bed. As Ryuk approached him he began to get nervous. "Wait, does this count as beastiality?"

"Beastiality? What's that?" Ryuk asked, staring at the sauce. Matsuda blushed, deciding it didn't matter.

"Oh… It's nothing important. Take me, Ryuk."

"Does that mean I can have the apple sauce?" Ryuk grinned.

"That's right." Matsuda answered, lying back down. Ryuk's tongue lolled out of his mouth as the tip of it touched Matsuda's flesh, making him shiver. "Make sure you get it all, Ryuk."

Ryuk's tongue slid over Matsuda's sticky body causing Matsuda to give a succession of unnatural gasps. "Don't forget the main bit."

"But… It's twitching. Am I supposed to touch it?"

"It's not twitching, see, it's still. That's the part you're meant to touch."

"Oh, I see. Is that part the juiciest?"

"Yeah." Matsuda sighed with anticipation. "Something like that."

Ryuk's long, pointed tongue moved downwards as Matsuda had asked, licking his flesh clean of apple sauce. Matsuda began to grunt like an animal being choked as he clutched the bed sheets. "Th-that's r-right, Ryuk… Ah." Matsuda whispered, finding it hard to speak. "Oh yes!"

Ryuk pulled back abruptly, spinning in mad circles. "Was it meant to fire something into my eye? I think I prefer apples by themselves."

Matsuda panted, falling to the floor on all fours. "Sorry about… That. Can we… Can you do something for me?"

"What is it, because if it involves being hit in the eye then the answer is no."

Matsuda stuttered, with round puppy-dog eyes. "No… Will… Can we cuddle?"


End file.
